"Cookies and duct tape,
my favorite fixes."
Who Took the Cookie?
by Dr. Terry Martin (aka Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne 04/19/2021
I bet you’ve snatched a cookie from a cookie jar when nobody was looking and felt guilty. How about sneaking into the kitchen and raiding the refrigerator in the middle of the night? Another guilt trip, right?
We all feel guilt, and are guilty of something. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress. It signals us when our actions, or inactions, cause or might cause harm to someone. Harm that can be physical or emotional.
Since guilt usually occurs in micro-bursts, we sometimes underestimate the brief signal that can appear and play a significant role in close relationships, friendships and careers.
You may be surprised to learn more about guilt:
Guilt protects relationships. It occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a pro-social emotion because it helps you maintain favorable relations with others.
Unresolved guilt is like a snooze alarm in your head that bugs you repeatedly because it won't shut off. We have guilty feelings for as many as five hours a week. Five hours of emotional battle when we can’t concentrate or think straight.
If guilty feelings compete for your attention while attending to the demands of life, guilt usually wins.
Our guilt makes us reluctant to enjoy life. Even mild guilt can make you hesitant to embrace the joys of life. Guilty feelings might cause you to skip a party or avoid celebrating your birthday––even mope around during a vacation instead of being able to enjoy it.
For some people, guilt can do worse damage.
Guilt can make you self-punish. But, it’s not always ourselves we punish when we feel guilty. Guilt can make you avoid a person you’ve wronged. If you’ve already caused someone harm, you might unwittingly make matters worse by distancing yourself from them because you feel guilty being around them.
Guilt trips may make you feel resentful. People who are guilt-prone tend to assume they’ve harmed others, when they actually haven’t. If your guilt has a hair trigger that’s set too low, your guilt alarm will go off when it shouldn’t.
Guilty feelings make you feel literally heavier and more belabored.
Maybe it’s because you swiped a cookie. Apologize and get over it.
• • •
Negotiating Can Be Fun
by Dr. Terry Martin (aka Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne 04/12/2021
There’s an old saying that laughter is the best medicine. We wish doctors could proscribe it and pharmacies could dispense it.
Laughing relieves anxiety; it reduces stress. Sometimes it even helps disguise burning rage. But you probably know all that.
Chronic stress, manifested in the hormone cortisol, takes a toll on our brains over time. It eats away at our learning and memory functions. When we laugh, we reduce cortisol levels, therefore increasing our memory and recall functions, as well as our capacity to negotiate.
If you inject humor into negotiations you are more likely to get what you’re negotiating for.
Just don’t go overboard when you are nervous. You must be taken seriously. Use humor to introduce a difficult issue or to foster togetherness and team spirit. Use it to help the other negotiator save face or to be cooperative despite disagreement.
When I negotiated with a potential client over the phone, it became obvious that budget was a delicate issue. I felt tension rising when he asked: “How much is this going to cost me?”
I said, “Are you sitting down?” He laughed. From that point, the conversation about money went smoothly. Are you sitting down, said in the right tone of voice, have helped me many times over the years.
Who do you negotiate with? It might be with a colleague, a competitor, a customer, an employee, a boss, a colleague or even a family member.
What are you negotiating for? Look for an opportunity to weave in a little humor—a humorous, relevant anecdote, a funny comment or gesture. Start with something short that relates to the situation at hand. Negotiations are important and intense, so use humor wisely, cautiously and professionally. No sharp jabs or rudeness. Never laugh because you are nervous, you will lose your leverage and look weak. Have a few light stories ready in case you need them.
Hone your negotiating skills. They are an essential tool for anyone who plans to lead. You may not be called upon to save the world from a pandemic—but somewhere along the line you will be called upon to save a deal, close the sale, or advance your agenda. Humor, used strategically, can make you a more powerful, effective negotiator.
• • •
by Dr. Terry Martin (aka Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne 04/05/2021
Our minds are fascinating. They have their own rhythm, pattern and tendencies. They are self-conscious, even though things happen spontaneously that we’re not aware of. Scratch your leg because it itches, while you’re engrossed in doing something else.
Did I just see you scratch your leg? I dunno, why are you asking?
Our thought waves arise and subside and we have no control over them. I think it’s like breathing. Instead of texting a patient: “Breathe, breathe, breathe,” maybe I should text, “Breathe, think positive, breathe.”
The average person has 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts each day. No wonder noon has become nap time. In the study, 80% of the thoughts are negative, and 95% were repeating thoughts from the day before. One track mind, anyone?
One tendency of the mind is to focus on the negative and ‘play the same song’ repeatedly. Isn’t that just, “I like what I like, okay?”
Here’s another interesting statistic. 85% of the things we worry about never happen. And when the other 15% actually happen 79% of us discover that either we handled them better than expected, or they taught us a lesson worth learning.
The bottom line is 97% of our worries are baseless. They result from either unfounded pessimistic perception or recurring negative thoughts.
Baseless worries are major contributors to stress, tension and exhaustion. When you visualize positivity you preserve energy. Visualizing fear drains energy.
If you document all the thoughts that pass through your mind, you’d write a-book-a-day. But who would read it? Let alone, who would you want to read it?
Chances are, it would be page after page of worries, fears, regrets and complaints about ourselves and others. And it would gather dust on a shelf forever.
How can we deal with uncontrollable thought streams?
How can we effortlessly have positive thoughts, experience beauty in the NOW, focus on a task at hand, feel gratitude, make connections?
And how do we overcome our mind’s tendency to cling to negativity and prevent it from stealing energy?
By using Habit Stacking tools. NOW.
Take a step back, recharge, get deep rest and come back with alertness and positivity.
Yes, there is such a thing.
Look at all the new technologies, new possibilities, massive information flow and constant change. They can contribute to developing your inner fitness.
See the importance of stepping back; take an hour off for daily practice to maintain a positive state of mind. Develop inner centeredness and strength. Reach out to NoCouchTherapy.com for articles and power points that will help you establish positive habits and increase positivity.
Maybe our energies aren’t stolen. Maybe they are given away due to a lack of inner fitness.
Your mind can be your biggest challenge and obstacle. But if you manage it skillfully, it can be your biggest ally. It can help you reach new heights of personal development and optimal happiness.
• • •
by Dr. Terry Martin (aka Monday Lisa) and Bob Cayne 03/29/2021
Working with a therapist will give you the cognitive and emotional skills to live a happier life with clarity and contentment.
My therapy sessions are conversational, but our conversations are a far cry from anything you experience with a friend. Those who scoff at therapy only assume they know what occurs during a session. They think therapy is pointless––without seeing its value.
Here are aspects of therapy that provide long-term value. You will:
Learn how to better manage emotions.
Challenge detrimental negative beliefs.
Learn new perspectives on situations and people.
Learn how to improve a relationship and avoid toxic ones.
Identify negative and positive behaviors, decisions, and patterns.
Understand how your past affects the present.
Prevent the development of mental illnesses
Learn to be more authentic and understand who you are.
A therapist will challenge your thinking so you can try new ways to improve your life. There are times when they make you feel insecure or upset, but that might be what is required to change your negative thinking or make you reconsider maladaptive behaviors.
We have friends who are great listeners and give advice. But therapists have the skills and training to help you improve your mental health without damaging your personal relationships.
We spend years in training, earn a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree and sometimes a doctoral degree. We don't judge you the way friends do when they are attached to you. They can’t see your life clearly and want to be on your side even if it means missing the opportunity to help.
In therapy, the hour belongs to you. Your investment in therapy means you are paying the therapist to listen to your story and help you.
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“When flowers aren’t enough, send a gift card" to a loved one, a friend, or employee. Do it openly or discreetly. In fact, some patients give themselves a gift card. Now there’s a gift that really keeps on giving
Choose from four plans ranging from $100 to $400 available at either
CONTACT DR. TERRY MARTIN